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Work on decluttering the kitchen and removing excess items 

Two people, 3 hours -- Elaine helped me march more boxes of stuff and bags of recycling, landfill and compost out the door this morning. Actually, Elaine did most of the marching and climbing (of stairs) while I tried to fill up boxes and bags for her. Our church rummage sale is at the end of this month, so part of today's disposals were to the church for the sale. We have strayed a bit from the kitchen, trying to clear excess books from the living room and excess linens and clothing from elsewhere.

Elaine would have liked for me to send "maybe giveaway" stuff to the church for temporary storage, but I balked. My brain seems scattered enough as it is, and I find it very stressful to have the items I haven't made up my mind about out of my sight.

Common Hoarder Traits

Out of sight, out of mind -- One typical hoarder trait is the strong need to SEE one's possessions, for fear of losing or forgetting them. I find it very difficult to store items behind closed doors. I fear that I will forget that they exist -- and I often do. I will buy the same item over and over again because I have forgotten that I already have it.

Distractibility -- Attention Deficit Disorder sometimes results in topsy-turvy piles of unrelated items. My doctor doesn't believe that I have ADD -- I would have shown signs of it as a child -- but I am easily distracted from many tasks (cleaning, picking up, chatting with others) while able to concentrate very carefully on others (writing, photography, painting, designing, working on the computer) for long periods of time.

Different ways of seeing possessions -- Specialists who work with hoarders say that their clients tend to view possessions somewhat differently than the average person. I know that I feel responsible for an item that I have purchased or acquired and feel very badly if I let it go to waste -- which I sometimes do because of absentmindedness or forgetfulness. I find it much easier to donate excess items to charity or another good home than to recycle them, and much easier to compost something than to landfill it. I feel very guilty about landfilling items.

Emotional attachments to stuff -- Specialists say that some hoarders have excess emotional attachments to stuff, but I'm not sure that I do. As with most people, it bothers me to throw away family photos or mementos, but I don't feel that I am unduly sentimental. I think my larger concern is wasting an item or otherwise not using it as intended.

Creativity -- Hoarders often think of unusual or creative uses for an item. In Myers-Briggs terminology, I have an ENFP personality -- extroverted, intuitive, feeling and perceiving. I see the world in terms of multiple possibilities and choices. Creativity helps me as a writer, photographer, designer and musician, but I am sometimes overwhelmed by the many options I perceive. In deciding what to do about my many things, I worry: Is this choice really the best, or should I consider another? Because of uncertainty, I often delay making a decision.

Anxiety and Perfectionism -- Hoarding is considered a side effect of an anxiety disorder. Depression may also be involved. Some hoarders have obsessive-compulsive traits and elements of perfectionism.

I do not have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), a full-blown anxiety disorder, but I do have some obsessive-compulsive traits. For example, I decided several years ago, while taking a course in Microsoft Access, that I needed to create a full-blown database of my music, so that I could instantly find any book or item of sheet music I wanted from my thousands of items of music. I worked for weeks on the database, but I eventually gave up on it -- and my music is now scattered throughout the three floors of my house. Perhaps if I had attempted something simpler, instead of something elaborate, I would have completed my project. As it is, I failed in a big way.

I have also changed my mind several times about how best to store the music -- in magazine holders? in bins? in binders? in filing cabinets? The many options tripped me up. The music is now stored, in bits and pieces, in each of these storage media -- completely inconsistently. That bothers me, too, because, as an editor, I like consistency.

Not all obsessive-compulsive traits are bad, however. Technical writers and editors need to have some obsessive-compulsive traits -- and most do. I think it is those traits that make me a good writer and editor. However, these traits can be a pain in the ass in other endeavours. It is sometimes hard for me to avoid going into overdrive when a "good enough" attitude is preferable. A former boss used to tell me, "Kay, just give me 90 percent today -- I don' have time for perfection."

Sometimes I overlook the simple way to do something, seeing only the "best" way to do it.

Medication -- Medication won't cure hoarding. However, medication for anxiety and depression may help someone with an anxiety disorder to manage her anxiety responses more effectively. I have been on the minimum therapeutic dose of a common antidepressant/anti-anxiety drug for a number of years. However, with unemployment and the worsening of my clutter/hoarding problems, I recently concluded, in consultation with my doctor, that I needed to increase my dosage of the medication. With the help of both Elaine and the increased medication, I am now making progress. A week ago, I felt overwhelmed and unable to accomplish anything. Now I am moving forward!

Finding the Right Coach

The personalities of the hoarder and the person coaching her for clean up are bound to differ: What makes me good at hoarding is naturally at odds with what mades another person good at helping me cleanup and declutter. Therefore, I must recognize that there will be some necessary and normal tension with anyone who helps me clean up. However, I think there are ways to minimize conflict. And thankfully, my friend Elaine has been brilliant so far in her approach to helping me. I will try to define these traits over time. However, I will mention a few important traits.

Trust -- As I mentioned previously, a hoarder often feels a sense of responsibility for her stuff, however jumbled and excessive it may seem. The hoarder needs to feel that the coach is respectful of her possessions and will help her accomplish decluttering without doing further harm to the person's anxiety levels. If someone starts pitching my possessions indiscriminately, I feel violated and angry.

I don't feel that I am overly emotional about my things, but I am extremely anxious about some things:

• I like to get all an item's parts together before making a decision about disposition of it.
• I like to collect, sort and use small items like paper clips, nails, screws, change, buttons, and so on -- instead of just pitching them.
• I do have a sentimental attachment to family photos and letters.
• I sometimes jot down important information on paper or keep printouts of information I will need in the future and fear that I will forget. The coach needs to let me decide whether notes or printouts are ready for recycling. I am not someone who collects meaningless bits of paper.

Assertive, but not a Bulldozer -- In seeking help, I am looking for someone who can suggest a solution when I feel stuck and don't know what to do. I do not, however, want that person to make decisions for me about disposing of items. I have welcomed Elaine's thoughtful, positive and creative suggestions and plans for my kitchen -- as well as her willingness to accept my reservations about some ideas.