Trying not to buy...

I took another car load of excess acquisitions to a local charity today. I also needed groceries, but I came armed with a shopping list. With the list, I was able to keep my grocery purchases to $38 -- much less than I normally spend for a week's groceries. I have been eating a lot of the excess  food that Elaine and I have collected from my kitchen over the past week -- and trying to cook items in my overloaded freezer and refrigerator.

Decluttering my house is not only an exercise in recycling or otherwise disposing of excess possessions. It also means curbing my compulsion to buy items. Since I live alone with my two cats, shopping has become a pleasurable activity for being around other people. I need to find another activity that isn't so counterproductive.

'I am many things, but I am not a hoarder'

A social worker friend corrected me when I told her this week that I was a hoarder. "You are a woman of many talents. You are many things, but you are not a hoarder. You just have a hoarding problem."

I feel shame for the compulsive acquisitions and the extraordinary clutter, but she is right in that I am many things. It is hard to keep the positive in mind when the negative is choking my living space. Elaine likens it to a heart with severely clogged arteries.

Elaine offered to come over to help me today, but I had other jobs to do and was feeling tired. Decluttering and not acquiring is hard work for someone dealing with anxiety issues. I wonder at times how I will ever accomplish what I need to accomplish. At the least, I want to make my home safer, to reduce the potential harm to myself and others.